1. Go out to lunch with a friend and tell yourself that eating poorly for one meal won’t derail your diet. Go out to dinner that night as well. Don’t bother weighing yourself in the morning.
2. Hit dismiss on your new smart watch’s reminder to stand. An hour later, hit dismiss again. Wonder why you can’t “close the rings”.
3. Throw a book in your bag so you’ll have something to read during lunch. After all, this year you are reading a book a month. Carry the book with you for a week. Be sure to have lots of good reasons for never pulling it out of your bag. Put it back on the shelf after you finally admit defeat.
4. Freeze your credit cards in a block of ice so you won’t be tempted to use them and you can finally tackle all that debt. Remember that Amazon has your credit card info stored and your Prime membership expires in February. You really should be taking advantage of that free shipping.
5. Set your alarm for 5:30 as you promise yourself that this year my mornings will be better. Hit Snooze. And again. A few more times… roll out of bed with just enough time to shower and grab a granola bar on your way out the door.
6. Make a proper David Allen #GTD todo list for the first time in years. Spend the first few hours of Monday color coding all the categories. Whittle away the afternoon answering emails. Remember the todo list on Tuesday and cross something off. Anything really. Add 10 more things from your meeting Tuesday afternoon. Crumple up your todo list and Google “productivity hacks” for an hour. Dream about February 1 so you can start with a clean slate.
7. New Year’s resolutions are for suckers. People break them before the first week is over anyways. I’m just not going to make any.